Mend... Fences, Fishnets, and Souls


Yesterday I saw it. My cashmere robe Ross had bought me for Christmas about seven years ago, was full of holes. He had sent me to a discount shopping place, TJ Maxx. I had found it and wasn't sure because even for there it was expensive. It was a short robe, plain in color, and very soft.

Anthony's weekends away with his father are a mixed sort of thing. They are hard on me emotionally. It's never once gotten easier. The damage has been done. I can contact our son now, discreetly, by text, but the years of not being allowed even to say goodnight because of his father's stubbornness and orneriness have made the damage to my heart.

Ross makes it a point for those weekends to be ones where we work on our relationship. Some weekends I'm 'in the game' and enjoy Ross' company. Sometimes others, like last week, I'm just too far distressed from outside really be present at all.

The robe has made an incredible difference, the warmth next to my skin, the lightness of it, the softness.

Here it was full of holes. 

I knew what to do. Even though the holes were many, I took out the sewing kit, and put on my reading glasses. I was surprised to be able to thread the needle. And I fixed every hole.

Ironically, the one spool of white thread I had bought in the 1980's when I went away to college, was finally out of thread when I finished the project. It's been a lot of holes I've mended over time.

Even though there is a sense of 'nothing is happening' spiritually, geo-politically, socially, with the pandemic, take the time to fix what's broken.  

In Japan, the concept of Wabi-Sabi lets us cherish that which has been 'loved' and 'worn from use'.

I went to move the teakettle on the stove yesterday. I like an old fashioned one. I don't want electricity in my water, if you know what I mean. And I heard a pop of metal, a clank, and it dropped. The handle had come loose. I was able to look under the grate in the stove, find the pieces, and put it together. The color it is is dear to my heart and hard to find again. It's a Le Creuset. 

Mend things.

Fix things.

Try something new.

Last night I cooked venison for us. It's special venison, we've eaten this one at a restaurant before. With a coffee sauce.

I had no clue how to cut it or cook it or make the sauce. But I jumped in, and did it. Some of the 'chops' were a little too thick, but Anthony was patient with me, and I opened the meat to cook it better. I had sliced the ribs apart, and created the chops, but I wasn't sure exactly where to slice. 

For the sauce, and for some reason Ross wants me to mention its recipe, its:

  • sliced mushrooms, brown ones, about one cup
  • one sliced green onion
  • one tablespoon guava jelly 
  • one tablespoon espresso fine ground coffee
  • water about two cups
you just boil it over medium heat, down to about one cup. You can add salt and pepper to taste. 

He wants me to note how there's no butter or cream in the sauce. 

I had very little. I had to cook it because it was thawed out over the weekend. I'm on bowel rest, or as close as I can get to it. I'm feeling better. Anthony was delighted and thrilled because it meant more for him. 

Today I work. I was kind of expecting a day off. But someone in our group was in an automobile accident. He's okay, but needs to take the week off. So everyone else moves up a spot. 

We haven't been able to take any vacation for almost a year now. We are short staffed. Our boss won't let us be vulnerable not to have enough coverage. So about five anesthesiologists a day are in 'limbo', staying home, when there's not a busy O.R.

Ironically, the one with the accident now has time to enjoy his family of three children and his wife, exactly during the week-long Thanksgiving school break. I'm sure he isn't traveling, because of the injury. But if he wanted to, he could, because it's the only vacation time where his schoolchildren and he are both free. 

On the other hand, I work and Anthony is off. I'm glad he's older. 

Thanksgiving isn't fun any more. It really isn't.  Between work, school, and his dad's parents who make 'expectations' on where the boy is, I just can't win.

So mend I will.

Winter is a good time for mending nets, repairing fences, and healing the soul.

Even when it's a winter for the soul. It's not as intense as a dark night, but it's a period of time to endure. It's very important to count your blessings, even the little ones, as you go through these times. It will keep you going. 

And keep away from the MSM. Limit your time on Alternative News sources. Enjoy your time for you.

Ross says that's enough, I said it well, and now to go eat breakfast. I need to get to work by eight, even though there's a nine o'clock case to start for me. Everything is always changing. I am most thankful for the blessing of work this week. I truly am. I need to pay the bills. 

Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if we had been in the old house with all the Coronavirus stuff. It wouldn't have been pretty. It's important to work with Spirit, and when there is a strong, persistent nudge, even if you hate to do it and you have to work really hard, follow it. Spirit is looking out for you. 

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Aloha and Mahalos,

Ross and Carla
The Twins