Do You Qualify for Your Ideal Partner? The Hard Truths You Need to Hear

by admin March 01, 2023

We all have that ideal partner in mind — the person who checks off all the boxes, has all the qualities we’re looking for, and just seems too perfect to be true. We also know that there’s a whole ass movement where people are “refusing to settle.” That’s fair. I’ll bite. I don’t think anyone should ever settle.

But have you ever stopped to ask yourself, “Do I actually qualify for that person?”

“Do I actually have what that person is looking for?”

“Would they be settling for me?”

It’s a hard question, right? Especially cause most modern and “polarizing” dating advice tells you to go out there and ask — do they qualify to your standards? But they fail to keep people humble and realize that you, yourself, might not be everyone’s cup of tea.

It’s a tough question, which is why most people haven’t asked themselves. When you do ask yourself that question, it becomes an even tougher one to answer.

Most people on this platform are not encouraging you to be self-reflective. They’re pointing fingers and giving you scapegoats as to why things won’t go your way. Look, I don’t blame them. It’s the lowest common denominator and the easiest fruit to pick.

You are single because of “them,” doing or saying “this.”

That’s the easiest advice to give that requires minimal internal critical thinking skills.

I wish things were that easy.

But the hard truths are important to confront head-on because they can help you identify areas of growth and improvement that can ultimately lead you to a more fulfilling relationship and fantastic dating scenario. No one will ever be the ideal partner automatically. It’s when you become bonded with someone and realize your mission to become better for each other that the path of being your best self begins.

So, do you qualify for your ideal partner?

Here are some hard truths you might need to hear (Don’t shoot the messenger — Look at the message!):

1. Work on yourself first.

I almost hate writing this. But you realize that working on one’s inner strength, beauty, and zeal for life makes you an attraction magnet. This includes not looking down on people as if they are beneath you. If you want to attract a high-quality partner, you need to be a high-quality person yourself.

“We cannot choose our external circumstances, but we can always choose how we respond to them.” — Epictetus.

This means taking responsibility for one’s own personal growth and development and being accountable to yourself because no one will hold you to that standard. Just as a sculptor must hone their skills and refine their craft in order to create a masterpiece, it’s up to you to work on yourself to become a masterpiece of a human being.

To attract a high-quality partner, it will always go far deeper than having a good job, going to the gym, making good money, and having all these adventures and wonderful possessions. They might get you in the door. But they’ll never be the foundations of a good relationship. I instead say you must focus on cultivating qualities such as integrity, authenticity, and emotional intelligence. This requires a willingness to look inward, examine one’s strengths and weaknesses, and work on improving oneself in all areas of life. So many people fail to do this cause they let society and social media gas them up as if they’re the center of the universe.

When you go into a museum and see an incredible sculpture or piece of art, you admire it! Cause you can only imagine how long it took and the attention to detail. Just as a well-crafted sculpture demands attention and admiration, a high-quality person will naturally attract the same attention as others. They’ll see all the attention to detail in you being the best you can be. By embodying the virtues of a high-quality person, you will naturally draw the admiration and respect of potential partners who share these values. I promise you this!

Self-reflection and change are a result of intentional and purposeful personal growth.

“The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts.” — Marcus Aurelius

2. Your standards might be too high.

If you offered a homeless person a brand new house that was around 1000 SF, 2 bed,rooms one bath, and he said:

Homeless guy: “I don’t want that shit! I’m talking about you offering me a mansion bebe!”

You’d laugh your ass off. His standards would be unrealistic, given his current circumstances. This is how a lot of people sound in this current “clown world.” Demanding things in a partner or person that, quite frankly they can’t provide or are even close to being.

Let me be clear here, folks. It’s fine to have the highest standards you could possibly imagine. But does it match up with you who you are? It’s great to have high standards for the kind of person you want to date, but be careful not to set them impossibly high. If you’re looking for someone perfect in every way, you might be setting yourself up for a dry slap to the face full of disappointment. Remember, everyone has flaws and imperfections — it’s what makes us human.

According to a study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, having high standards for a potential partner is generally seen as a positive trait (Conroy-Beam et al., 2015). However, the study also found that having unrealistically high standards can lead to disappointment and dissatisfaction in romantic relationships. It’s about having a perfect balance of what’s realistic to you.

Another study published in the journal Personal Relationships found that unrealistic expectations can lead to lower levels of relationship satisfaction and a greater likelihood of relationship breakdown (Fletcher et al., 2000).

Your perception of yourself and others may not always reflect reality, you gotta approach potential partners with a realistic and open-minded perspective.

3. You might not be ready for a serious relationship.

If you’re not ready for a serious relationship, you might not be ready for your ideal partner. Before you can be in a healthy, fulfilling relationship with someone else, you need to be in a healthy, fulfilling relationship with yourself. Take the time to figure out what you really want in life, and make sure you’re in a good place emotionally before diving into a serious relationship.

Finding your ideal partner is like embarking on a journey through a vast and treacherous landscape filled with emotional landmines as far as the eye can see. To make this journey safely and successfully, you must be well-prepared and well-equipped for the challenges that lie ahead.

You must establish a solid foundation within yourself. You must take the time to get to know yourself deeply, understand your own strengths and weaknesses, and cultivate a healthy sense of self-awareness and self-love. This will stop you from getting into so many toxic scenarios.

Just as a seasoned traveler will prepare for their journey by acquiring the necessary skills and equipment, you must be emotionally prepared for a serious relationship. This means being in a good place emotionally, with a sense of purpose and direction in life and a clear understanding of what you want from a relationship.

Please be clear these are not simple platitudes that will make you feel good. If you take these sentences to heart and decide to embark on this journey, your life will change.

4. Stop focusing on superficial bullshit.

Physical attraction is important in a romantic relationship, but it’s not everything. If you’re only focused on finding someone physically attractive, you might be missing out on other important qualities that make a person truly special.

Physical attraction may get your foot in the door, but it won’t keep you from getting your ass kicked out later. The reverse of this is you getting someone who you think is exactly on your level with looks, and they turn out to be awful.

I do not deny that physical attraction is an important factor in romantic relationships. I love looking at my partner and wanting to rip her clothes off. But it’s not the only factor. In fact, research suggests that other qualities, such as kindness, emotional stability, and intelligence, are often rated as more important by both men and women (Cacioppo et al., 2013).

The deeper emotional connection and shared values keep a relationship strong and fulfilling over time. Don’t be fooled! Not all things that glitter are good. So while it’s important to take care of your physical appearance, remember that it’s the qualities that lie beneath the surface that really matter in the long run.

5. You might need to step out of your comfort zone.

If you’re only looking for your ideal partner in your immediate social circle or the same old dating apps, you might be limiting your chances of finding someone truly special. Sometimes, you need to step out of your comfort zone and try something new in order to meet new people and expand your horizons.

How can you do this?

Join a quirky hobby group: If you’re a lover of board games, why not join a local board game group? Or if you’re into astrology, why not join an astrology group? This way, you can meet people who share your interests and potentially find a romantic partner who does too!
Volunteer for a cause you believe in: Find a local charity or non-profit organization that resonates with you and volunteer your time. Not only will you be making a difference, but you’ll also be surrounded by like-minded individuals who are passionate about the same cause.
Attend a themed event: Attend a themed event, like a masquerade ball or a murder mystery party. These events are designed for people to interact and mingle, and can be a fun way to meet new people outside of your usual social circle.
Take a dance class: Sign up for a salsa, tango, or ballroom dance class. Not only will you learn a new skill, but you’ll also have the opportunity to dance with different partners and potentially find a romantic connection.
Go on a group trip or retreat: Join a group trip or retreat that focuses on a shared interest, like yoga or hiking. This is a great way to meet new people in a relaxed and comfortable environment and potentially form deep connections with like-minded individuals.

So do you qualify for your ideal partner?

Only a few people will take this message to heart. I look at it from 3 of the easiest outcomes.

You think I’m a direct asshole, and you’ll be immovable in thinking differently.
You are slightly humbled and realize the time to change is now.
You don’t even finish this article.

The question of whether or not we qualify for our ideal partner is a deeply introspective and personal one. It requires us to take a hard look at ourselves and our expectations and to evaluate our own readiness for a fulfilling relationship. While it may be a difficult question to answer, it’s an important one to ask if we want to find true happiness and connection with a romantic partner. I walked down this path more than once, and I’m still learning today.

To begin this process of self-evaluation, you must develop the skills of being honest and objective looking at yourself.

What are your strengths, your weaknesses, and areas for growth? What are your core values and beliefs, and how do they align with those of a potential partner? By asking these questions and doing some deep introspection, we can begin to identify areas where we may need to improve ourselves in order to be a better fit for our ideal partner.

Another important step is to adjust our mindset and expectations. High standards are great, sure. It’s equally important to be realistic and recognize that nobody is perfect. We must be willing to be flexible and open-minded and recognize that our ideal partner may not come in the exact package we envisioned. Indeed the sun has never shined out your ass. Sorry.

Broaden your horizons and take action to meet new people and expand your social circles. This can involve trying new activities, attending social events, and engaging in hobbies and interests that align with our values and beliefs. By putting ourselves out there and being open to new experiences, we can increase our chances of meeting someone who is truly right for us.

Let’s embrace this challenge with courage and determination and work towards finding the love and connection we all desire!

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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