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Transcript provided by YouTube:
00:00
what’s going on everybody if you’re
00:01
joining us right now hey ellie
00:03
if you’re joining us leave us a comment
00:05
uh i want to be able to see you
00:07
i’m also going to try and get rid of my
00:08
screen here hey this is jamison everyone
00:11
for everyone who hasn’t seen jameson yet
00:13
i’m going to try and get rid of these
00:14
screens so i can’t see myself
00:18
but just your comments there we go i
00:21
think that’s better
00:22
hey guys what’s going on wow so many of
00:25
you already
00:26
uh this is great
00:30
huh kimberly what’s up beth hello
00:36
i don’t know when was the last time we
00:37
went live on youtube
00:40
long time we decided to go live we
00:42
decided
00:43
well firstly it would be nice to go live
00:45
a little more often
00:46
um but uh you know we want to change the
00:49
change the way we do this a little bit
00:53
something a bit different from what we
00:54
do elsewhere and just have a chance to
00:56
hang with you guys
00:56
say hello see what you’re up to
01:00
uh willow bark says hi matt you okay
01:03
yeah i’m all right mate
01:05
doing all right uh well i don’t know
01:07
much about what we’re gonna talk about
01:08
today jameson i
01:10
suppose is gonna fire a couple of
01:11
questions at me lynn yes
01:13
i’m live on youtube hello to you
01:17
uh what’s up alexandra in russia
01:20
twilight in manchester
01:23
uh well jay what do you wanna what
01:24
should we talk about today you know we
01:26
have
01:26
people coming in live do you know when i
01:29
i
01:30
i was this i sometimes listen to those
01:32
sort of
01:33
those mindless sort of podcasts people
01:36
do
01:36
when i’m like brushing my teeth
01:40
because i get so bored brushing my teeth
01:43
that i just listen to podcasts during
01:45
that time but i don’t
01:46
because it’s the end of the night i
01:48
don’t want to listen to anything that’s
01:50
that’s heavy or difficult or requires a
01:53
lot of bandwidth
01:54
so i’m really like i’m just looking for
01:57
someone
01:58
chatting about whatever that i can just
02:00
feel like i’ve got a bit of company
02:01
while i brush my teeth
02:03
i sort of hope jameson that this is one
02:05
level above that
02:06
right you’re dreaming big but not like
02:10
not really i don’t want this to be
02:12
really difficult for people to sit and
02:13
listen to
02:14
i just wanted to be somewhere in the
02:15
middle of what you’d listen to brushing
02:17
your teeth
02:18
and something you’d go to really
02:20
consciously to change your life
02:23
okay yeah that’s really great then uh in
02:26
that sense
02:28
what else can you tell me about the jake
02:31
paul fight
02:32
the jake paul fight really that’s where
02:35
we’re starting no no
02:36
that’s brushing your teeth level well i
02:39
wasn’t gonna start there but you really
02:42
brought it there with the brush in the
02:43
teeth
02:43
now can people hear you are you miked
02:46
and
02:46
you do you can you hear jameson okay i’d
02:49
love to know if you can hear jameson
02:51
jameson say hi to us and let’s see if
02:53
people can hear you
02:54
uh can people hear me hopefully they can
02:56
hear me i’m only gonna
02:57
i’m not planning on talking much but so
02:59
i have this mute button here
03:01
i was not quite prepared for this setup
03:03
if anyone can tell
03:05
not quite prepared but we really wanted
03:06
to go live with you guys and so
03:08
this is what we’re doing all right well
03:10
ellie gray says your setup is amazing we
03:12
can hear him that’s
03:13
that’s great oh i think we’re on
03:15
something already jameson
03:16
all right so um they say you’re well
03:20
they say you’re not super loud
03:21
so they do you do sound far away
03:23
apparently oh well that
03:25
shouldn’t quite be the case you’re faint
03:28
but um
03:29
here’s what you should tell everyone
03:31
about matt is what uh what we did this
03:33
weekend so i thought it was really cool
03:34
in fact it was something we we did
03:36
something this weekend that you talked
03:37
about on your retreat
03:39
i’m including our little trip as part of
03:42
your 90 minute challenge yeah so we just
03:43
did the virtual retreat about a month
03:46
almost exactly a month ago now and one
03:49
of the challenges from the retreat was
03:52
for everyone to do what i call a
03:53
90-minute challenge which is to
03:56
find somewhere that they can get to
03:59
within
04:00
90 minutes of where they live and
04:03
you could do a 90-minute plane ride that
04:05
certainly opens the thing up
04:07
but it was designed actually for a kind
04:10
of
04:10
to be a pandemic friendly activity that
04:14
you could do
04:14
within a 90-minute drive from where you
04:17
live
04:18
it by the way it doesn’t even have to be
04:19
far at all it could be it could be
04:21
something
04:22
where you live but the idea was to do
04:23
something new something you wouldn’t
04:25
normally do
04:26
that’s within 90 minutes of where you
04:28
live um
04:29
to try and start to introduce a bit more
04:31
of the new into our lives
04:33
and we committed at the time of the
04:36
virtual retreat
04:38
we committed to doing one ourselves
04:40
jameson and i
04:41
and a couple of our other friends jesse
04:43
and ryan
04:45
we decided we’re gonna go to lake
04:48
arrowhead originally it was tahoe but
04:50
tahoe didn’t quite qualify for the 90
04:52
minute rule did it how far is tahoe like
04:53
seven and a half hours
04:56
jay yeah from uh from l.a like
04:59
i don’t even know how you get there
05:00
exactly from l.a like would you like to
05:02
sacramento then
05:03
seven hours plus two hours it’s like a
05:05
long drive
05:06
but we decided lake arrowhead was the
05:09
one and so we drove like i think it was
05:11
about two hours to lake arrowhead
05:13
we rented this cabin in the forest and
05:16
um there were multiple bedrooms
05:18
but i made everyone stay in the one
05:20
bedroom that had
05:21
bunk beds uh there’s a we’ve got a photo
05:25
somewhere it’d be good if we could show
05:26
them a photo
05:27
but this was this was literally us lot
05:31
in bunk beds and if you can imagine
05:35
the most innocent
05:39
boys trip this was it
05:42
we drove out to lake to lake arrowhead
05:45
we were in this cabin we’re in these
05:48
bunk beds
05:50
we’ve played board games till about
05:53
3 a.m this is
05:56
there it is let’s see if i couldn’t do
05:59
it
06:00
i can show you i’m just trying to see i
06:02
can’t because there’s a delay
06:03
it’s actually quite hard for me to see
06:05
if they’re getting it okay
06:09
there we are in our bunk beds
06:15
so um that was what
06:18
we did and we played we learned two new
06:21
board games
06:21
what did we learn there was a ha what
06:24
was betrayal
06:25
at hill house something like that
06:28
someone betrayal at the haunted hill
06:31
house
06:32
betrayal at the haunted hill house let
06:34
me know if you played that one
06:35
and then what was the other one i’m the
06:38
boss i’m the boss
06:39
and this by the way betrayal haunted
06:41
hill house
06:43
was the most involved
06:46
board game like it
06:49
i mean it can’t be far off of dungeons
06:52
and dragons for how much there was to
06:54
learn
06:54
it was a lot it was a very involved game
06:57
it took us i would say two hours to
06:59
learn and then we ended up playing it
07:01
for about another four hours so we were
07:03
playing
07:03
board games jay until what like three in
07:06
the morning
07:08
i think it was two in the morning but
07:09
it’s uh but yeah betrayal
07:11
house on the hill betrayal house on the
07:13
hill so
07:15
it was it was amazing but we went deep
07:19
what was great about what’s great about
07:21
that is that ryan loves these board
07:23
games and the way he like gets us into
07:24
it because
07:25
i feel like i’m just so lazy so right
07:28
and he’s just like oh yeah this one’s
07:30
sort of slightly involved it’s fine but
07:31
yeah no i think it’s a good time to
07:32
start playing even though it’s
07:34
10 p.m and then three hours later
07:37
matthew’s betraying all of us and
07:40
causing havoc
07:41
our friend ryan is if you had a
07:45
if you were best friends with one of the
07:48
kids from stranger things
07:51
that’s what it is to be friends with
07:53
ryan like
07:55
he is the guy that will plan a camping
07:57
trip with you
07:58
and then when you get there he’ll say
08:01
hey guys i brought like three different
08:02
board games
08:03
for us to play tonight and every
08:06
initially i’m always the one that’s like
08:08
i can’t i can’t learn this
08:11
like i have so much to do in my week
08:13
that’s taxing
08:14
the last thing i want to do on a
08:16
saturday is learn
08:18
how to play a board game but once you’re
08:20
in
08:21
you’re in and i actually wrote it down
08:22
jameson
08:24
like one of my new one like i literally
08:26
wrote it down as like one of the things
08:28
i’m happy
08:28
that i did this weekend like one of the
08:30
things i achieved this weekend was i
08:32
learned two new board games
08:34
i saw it like i’ve i’ve watched you do
08:37
like a lot of deep work in my life
08:39
but watching you try to learn that board
08:42
game when you had to
08:43
you had to essentially play like three
08:45
different positions at once
08:47
like that was really it was really
08:49
impressive matthew hussey
08:50
deep deep learning dude i’m a i’m a big
08:53
believer in
08:54
just sometimes new for news sake
08:59
like just doing something that you
09:01
wouldn’t normally
09:03
do i think there’s value to that
09:06
that is it like you wouldn’t necessarily
09:09
say this is productive to sit playing
09:12
this board game but it
09:13
in a way it is because you’re doing
09:15
something you wouldn’t normally do it’s
09:17
a pattern break
09:18
from your normal life i can sit at home
09:21
and do the same things i always do
09:22
any time but going out to the woods and
09:25
playing board games with your buds
09:27
like that’s different and i’ll tell you
09:31
i i have to learn that lesson like every
09:33
time i sit to play a board game or do
09:35
something
09:36
that’s a little bit extra that’s a
09:38
little bit more than just sitting and
09:39
watching a movie because what happened
09:40
the next night we watched uh we had
09:44
we were going to watch this jake paul
09:45
fight right
09:47
and we don’t have to get into how that
09:49
went but i think by the end of it we
09:51
were like
09:52
we weren’t feeling like it was as fun of
09:54
the night as the night before
09:55
right yeah just kind of like worn down
09:57
by the whole experience
09:59
but then what happened is ryan’s like
10:01
what do you want to watch documentary
10:03
or do we want to play i’m the boss
10:06
another board game and i was just like
10:07
so
10:07
tired i didn’t want to do anything but
10:10
again
10:11
the stranger things friends like
10:13
convinced us to play i’m the boss
10:15
and sure enough like three hours later
10:16
we’re having like a blasty blast
10:18
the best time the best time uh
10:23
rebecca d now this was a hidden this
10:25
comment was hidden by youtube jay
10:29
but rebecca d in her comment that
10:31
youtube flagged
10:33
as potentially inappropriate said all
10:36
matt hussey work
10:37
shows you how to set boundaries with
10:40
[ __ ] boys
10:43
now i’m not i i’m actually going to take
10:46
it generously to say
10:48
she’s saying like that’s a good thing oh
10:51
that’s definitely what she’s saying
10:52
right
10:52
yeah i don’t know about all my work
10:58
i can’t i’ve sincerely hope 14 years of
11:01
coaching people in their confidence
11:03
their emotions
11:05
the way they approach their life their
11:07
relationships their relationship with
11:09
themselves
11:11
hasn’t all been reduced to one
11:14
singular notion of of
11:17
handling fuckboys i mean
11:21
i mean tell me we’ve done more than that
11:23
jameson it’s uh
11:26
the criticism i’ve heard before
11:30
is that um matt’s advice
11:33
works if you vote if you believe that
11:36
like people are kind
11:38
it’s like a sort of uh you’re you’ve
11:40
heard that as a criticism yeah
11:42
yeah like your matt’s advice is like
11:44
with an optimistic view of the world
11:47
and a lot of people’s advice is more
11:49
cynical i guess like
11:51
so in a weird way the the
11:54
comment i’ve heard more than this one
11:56
was sort of the opposite where it’s like
11:57
your advice works for people that
11:59
actually have good intentions
12:02
or have the potential to have good
12:03
intentions where other people’s advice
12:04
is more like
12:06
or for some people’s advice is more like
12:09
get what you want
12:11
um in the short term or whatever and
12:14
then
12:15
then it’s just i don’t know i don’t know
12:17
how that ends but
12:18
i think it’s we we teach people
12:22
also we do we do spend quite a lot of
12:24
time on how to swerve the wrong people
12:28
like that knowing what the wrong
12:30
behavior is and how to avoid it is
12:32
definitely a big thing that we do
12:36
um well it’s so lovely seeing all these
12:38
comments
12:39
here i uh
12:42
rebecca d rebecca dee’s comment reek
12:45
your comment’s been flagged again
12:47
rebecca d
12:47
that’s you’re two for two on comments
12:49
not being allowed by youtube
12:51
but you said thank you here i’ll listen
12:53
i’ll approve it
12:55
thank you for affirming his work is more
12:57
than [ __ ] boys
12:58
jameson
13:01
that’s why he’s here
13:06
uh i’m with karen i’m with jameson right
13:09
now
13:10
uh who’s with me now jameson how’s it
13:13
all going
13:14
are we are we looking good uh apparently
13:17
not i don’t know i mean theoretically
13:19
i’m miked right now and people should be
13:20
able to hear me
13:21
but they can’t jump around but i’m still
13:22
hearing that and think
13:24
yeah can you hear me now or no i don’t
13:26
think they can hear you properly
13:29
but i if you can’t hear jameson pro
13:32
tell me how you can hear jameson good or
13:34
bad this is very much a test run we’re
13:36
figuring this out right now
13:37
we want to do stuff like this more but
13:39
you know one day i’ll also
13:42
mike lavinia says it’s clearer now jay
13:46
and you know lavinia’s
13:49
lavinia is a trusted source at this
13:51
stage
13:52
uh people people are saying not as well
13:54
as me well that makes sense
13:56
but it should be decent so we’ll uh
13:59
yeah people are saying sounds like
14:01
you’re in a tunnel a bit echoey
14:07
some people are saying we hear them
14:08
really good though so what we might just
14:10
be
14:10
seeing here is the the spectrum of
14:14
hearing ability in the audience
14:18
all right all right okay well
14:22
erica says just brushed my teeth
14:25
[Laughter]
14:27
that’s good that’s really good
14:31
uh what else we got going on jay well
14:35
i guess this is uh this is something i’m
14:39
always curious i’m always surprised
14:40
actually to find out
14:41
exactly what you’re reading i think i
14:43
know what you’re reading right now
14:44
but yeah what uh what books so far i
14:47
mean we’re a quarter of the way through
14:48
the year what books so far have you been
14:50
enjoying what am i reading right now i’m
14:52
reading a book right now i just started
14:54
a book by david white
14:55
called the three marriages which i can’t
14:59
i haven’t read into enough
15:00
to speak with any intelligence on it but
15:04
the concept of the book is that there
15:06
are three marriages
15:07
in our lives there’s the marriage to
15:11
somebody else there’s the marriage we
15:14
have with
15:14
our career our work and there’s the
15:18
marriage we have with ourselves
15:21
and um and i i’m a big fan of david
15:24
white he’s a british
15:26
poet but i
15:29
i particularly love the idea of this
15:31
book because
15:33
i think of you know sometimes say people
15:36
say i’m afraid of commitment but you’ll
15:38
see them commit in one area of their
15:40
lives and not in another you know they
15:42
have committed to something they’ve
15:43
committed to
15:44
their work let’s say so it’s not that
15:47
they’re afraid of
15:48
commitment across the board but they
15:50
might have convinced themselves that
15:52
they can’t handle commitment in a
15:53
certain
15:54
area we experience different marriages
15:57
in our lives
15:59
and and i love that idea of working on
16:02
all of the marriages i’ve been doing
16:04
what i do now for 14 years
16:07
that’s a that’s the longest relationship
16:10
of my life
16:10
outside of my family is my relationship
16:14
with my
16:15
work with my career with with my
16:17
professional life
16:18
it’s a kind of marriage and throughout
16:20
that marriage i have fallen out with
16:23
with my work uh i’ve had plenty of
16:26
arguments
16:27
with it i have uh grown tired of it
16:30
i’ve recommitted many times i’ve found
16:33
my passion for it again many times
16:36
and um and i’ve worked on it
16:38
consistently over the years so
16:40
that’s that’s a marriage uh but there’s
16:42
also the marriage to ourselves one of
16:44
the things we talk about on the virtual
16:45
retreat a lot is the marriage
16:47
the relationship i haven’t before david
16:50
white i never framed it as a marriage
16:51
but
16:52
the relationship that we have with
16:54
ourselves that we
16:55
have to start seeing as a relationship
16:57
as something we want to
16:58
work on that’s worth working on because
17:01
of course it’s the relationship that has
17:02
the most impact on our happiness
17:06
so yeah that’s a book i’m reading right
17:08
now i’m really
17:09
enjoying that one
17:16
what are they reading in the comments
17:17
yeah what are you guys reading
17:21
some people well b t o says i like
17:25
jordan peterson
17:29
have you read it are you going to read
17:30
this new book i want to read jordan
17:32
peterson’s new book yeah
17:34
i’d like but i didn’t get around to i
17:35
only read part of the first book i
17:37
didn’t get around to reading
17:38
what is it the 12 rules 12 for life
17:42
um yeah and this one the next one’s
17:45
what 12 more rules i don’t think that’s
17:48
what it’s called oh
17:50
i thought it was i i thought it was that
17:52
too and then
17:53
um i think he said it’s something like
17:55
called beyond order beyond order okay
17:57
yeah
17:58
um mrs h
18:01
just finished russell brand’s revolution
18:03
yeah actually i did
18:04
i just finished that too i literally
18:06
went through that in the last few days
18:09
what a writer i mean he’s a brilliant
18:13
writer
18:14
i really really enjoyed that
18:18
rinsky happy to have you here on the
18:20
live stream thanks for being here
18:22
celia b what’s up celia in the comments
18:25
let’s see you there
18:26
read 40 rules read the 40 rules of love
18:31
i like it uh kayla eckhart tolle
18:35
a new earth life changing you know i’m
18:37
you’re making me realize how much
18:38
reading i’ve actually done i’ve
18:40
i’ve read that in the last few weeks as
18:42
well um i’ve got
18:43
i’ve got maybe a couple of chapters to
18:45
go but yeah i just read
18:47
a new earth really interesting stuff
18:50
what did you think of a new earth kayla
18:54
i’m curious
18:59
unbearable likeness of being very good
19:02
atomic habits
19:05
i heard atomic habits is good
19:08
um i haven’t read that
19:11
yeah i started rereading tribe again
19:15
yeah i want to read tribe who is that
19:16
sebastian sebastian younger
19:18
younger yeah i’ve got that on the
19:20
bookshelf i want to start reading tribe
19:22
i’m a i’m a guys i’m i’ve thought about
19:25
this so much this year i am
19:27
really big into tribe
19:30
right now like of all my goals
19:33
the tribe is is up there as the most
19:37
i think it’s the most important goal
19:40
there’s two no the two most important
19:42
goals to me right now
19:44
are creating beautiful work
19:47
and um and building an amazing tribe
19:51
those are the two big goals i have this
19:53
year um
19:55
money is not the primary goal i don’t
19:58
want to i
19:59
have zero interest in creating things
20:01
that that simply revolve around money or
20:04
what makes
20:05
what what generates the most revenue or
20:08
any of that
20:09
i am i’m really really driven by
20:13
creating
20:14
beautiful work um and
20:17
i’m working on a new book right now that
20:20
i think is the best writing
20:21
i’ve ever done in fact it for sure is
20:24
the best writing i’ve ever done
20:26
i’ll talk more about that later in the
20:28
year but
20:29
i’m really proud of it i’m i’m you know
20:33
it’s something i i’m i’m having a
20:36
beautiful time writing it so
20:37
creating beautiful work is one of the
20:39
big values for me this year
20:41
and the other is is creating an amazing
20:43
tribe connection
20:45
uh with other people with family with
20:47
friends is part of why
20:49
the trip to lake arrowhead was important
20:51
to me it’s why the board games actually
20:53
are very aligned with my values because
20:55
it’s like
20:56
you know just spending that time
20:57
spending quality time with my friends
21:00
is and especially certain like
21:03
the male bonding that i’m getting in the
21:06
last year or two
21:07
has been some of the most special times
21:09
in my life
21:10
um there’s a that’s been a very special
21:13
thing to me
21:14
and i think it’s something a lot of men
21:16
are lacking is
21:17
time with other men time true like
21:21
quality male bonding time i’m seeing
21:23
this more and more jameson like
21:26
i notice with certain people in my own
21:28
life even certain people that
21:30
i’m like a kind of tangential characters
21:34
in my life
21:36
you know that moment where a guy is like
21:37
i wish we could like
21:39
grab a coffee after this if you want and
21:41
you realize behind that
21:43
he’s like that’s such a that’s not
21:47
doing like a friend said to me once if
21:49
someone tells you
21:50
they’re depressed assume they’re six
21:52
times worse than they’re saying
21:54
right and and i think that’s true of
21:56
those moments of connection as well when
21:58
someone even hints at maybe doing
22:00
something together
22:01
assume they like deep down they really
22:04
want that connection
22:06
with you and i’ve noticed men in my own
22:08
life who
22:10
hint at moments of connection and i know
22:12
that they’re like starved of it
22:14
and and i’ve been starved of it in in
22:17
ways that i don’t think i’ve always
22:18
articulated because
22:19
you know i do have lots of time around
22:22
people in meetings i do
22:23
you know in my business we have a lot of
22:26
people in our organization
22:27
i spend a lot of time in meetings with
22:30
people doing that i spend a lot of time
22:32
talking with people but
22:34
the true that bonding that
22:37
tribe is something that is is just vital
22:40
to me this year because i realize like
22:43
that’s
22:44
that’s it guys like when it doesn’t
22:46
matter where you get to in life
22:49
like if you if you don’t get if you
22:51
don’t get where you want to go
22:52
tribe is still going to be the most
22:53
rewarding thing in your life
22:55
and if you do get where you want to go
22:57
you achieve the superficial
22:58
external success that you want that’s
23:01
also going to be the thing you want once
23:02
you get there
23:04
like there’s never a time where it’s not
23:06
important and i know there’s been huge
23:08
chapters of my life where i haven’t made
23:10
it that important and i haven’t
23:12
uh spent enough time on it and i
23:16
those are the times that i tend to
23:17
regret those are the
23:19
i remember a friend of mine invited me
23:21
to his wedding a few years ago
23:24
and um and i and i didn’t go
23:27
it was it was a wedding i would have to
23:29
fly to
23:30
and it was halfway across the world
23:33
and it was a friend of mine that i’d had
23:35
for a long time and i didn’t go
23:38
and i regretted not going first i
23:41
completely underestimated how much it
23:43
it had disappointed him that i
23:46
wasn’t there that had i i tend to over i
23:50
tend to undervalue the impact that it’s
23:52
gonna have on someone if i don’t go to
23:53
something
23:54
and i completely underestimated how
23:57
disappointed he was that i wasn’t there
24:00
and i also underestimated how much it
24:02
would have done for our bond if i was
24:04
there
24:05
the the because i know since then i’ve
24:08
done those things
24:10
in service of my relationships and it’s
24:12
meant so much
24:14
to people uh so i that’s something i’ve
24:18
for someone who’s spent a lot of time
24:19
talking about relationships i’ve been
24:21
very late to the game
24:22
in some of the things that actually make
24:25
a real difference to the
24:27
to the tribal relationships in your life
24:32
i mean it’s so funny to hear you put it
24:34
that way
24:35
but it’s so true because i mean so many
24:37
of us will sacrifice like
24:40
friendships relationships because you’re
24:42
gonna double down on your work that
24:43
you’re gonna do right now
24:44
but just that simple realization of like
24:47
once that works done and you have like
24:49
these things to celebrate
24:50
or you even have like oh i’ve saved
24:52
enough money to go on a trip
24:54
now who are you going to go with yep
24:56
what a sobering
24:57
yep kind of dark thought and it’s not
25:00
nothing man like sometimes it feels like
25:03
sometimes you can get that feeling like
25:04
ugh why am i doing this
25:07
why am i like why am i going to this why
25:10
am i shying up here and it’s like
25:12
it you know a friend of ours
25:16
gave me a call on sunday night for
25:18
advice
25:20
and i was tired
25:23
like i i was we’d had a long weekend i
25:26
was tired
25:27
i wanted to get an early night and he
25:30
texted me
25:30
to ask me a question and i know
25:34
my my habit that i have is i get that
25:37
text
25:38
asking some for some advice and it’s not
25:40
that i won’t text back it’s just that
25:42
i’m like
25:43
let me text back when i can do it
25:44
properly let me text back when i when i
25:47
can actually answer this question and so
25:48
i’ll leave it but then of course monday
25:50
rolls around
25:51
that’s busy tuesday rolls around that’s
25:53
busy by the time it’s thursday of next
25:55
week i’m
25:56
already embarrassed that i didn’t
25:57
respond to that person
25:59
and they’re already probably thinking
26:01
that i don’t care
26:03
and so i’ve been trying to break that
26:05
pattern more i’m not
26:06
doing a great job across the board
26:08
there’s still if i look at my whatsapp
26:10
right now
26:11
there’s plenty of evidence for me not
26:13
having improved this habit
26:15
but i decided to break the habit on
26:18
sunday night and i
26:20
instead of just texting him back i just
26:21
picked up the phone and i called him and
26:24
i in my head i thought you know what
26:25
i didn’t make it a big thing i was like
26:26
you know what even if i just i’m able to
26:28
give five minutes of advice here
26:30
is five minutes immediately that counts
26:33
for something sometimes
26:35
not making it a big deal in my head and
26:37
just saying it’s just i’m just going to
26:38
call them for five minutes makes it
26:40
easier we ended up speaking for an
26:41
hour and it meant
26:44
so much to this person
26:48
and it added i felt i had a i had a deep
26:52
sense by the end of the hour that we
26:55
just like
26:56
added a brick to the to the
27:00
house of this friendship like we just
27:03
added a solid brick that’s not going
27:05
anywhere
27:06
like it’s not it didn’t just feel like
27:08
oh god i gotta do
27:09
i gotta keep replenishing that it felt
27:11
like it a brick was added
27:14
to the house of that friendship that’s
27:16
not going anywhere
27:17
and that’s that’s that’s not just like
27:20
sometimes i think we feel like uh
27:23
the energy we give to people is like
27:25
this
27:26
it’s like this this vacuum that just
27:30
keeps sucking up
27:31
energy over and over again and gives
27:33
nothing back and
27:34
i don’t know if that’s i i don’t really
27:37
believe that’s how it works i think
27:39
there are certain things that
27:40
put a brick in the in the building of
27:43
that house
27:44
with that person or that tribe that
27:46
stays even if you can’t do the same
27:49
thing again the week after or the week
27:50
after that there’s always going to be by
27:52
the way people in our lives that
27:53
demand too much or are too high
27:56
maintenance and
27:57
you know they’re like energy vampires
27:59
and we have to be careful of that but
28:01
real friendships those bricks i don’t
28:04
believe they go anywhere i think that’s
28:06
like
28:06
i just invested an hour in that
28:09
friendship
28:10
that stays as of a force
28:14
as an asset within that friendship
28:17
i love that analogy so much because
28:21
i’ve always found that to be true with
28:22
like the real
28:24
life the lifers like the lifetime
28:26
friends you have
28:27
it’s um it’s not to say that the brick
28:30
doesn’t need some maintenance it’s like
28:31
you can uh you set the brick there and
28:33
yeah if you just leave it
28:35
it can get moldy you can get weathered
28:37
you need to like pressure wash that
28:39
brick and like clean it up every once in
28:40
a while but
28:42
i think that’s so true like the right
28:44
people
28:45
you can get right back into it yeah as
28:47
long as they’re not you have the energy
28:49
vampires
28:50
um it’s not wasted any of that effort is
28:52
really not wasted
28:53
no no it’s just their little their
28:56
deposits
28:58
their deposits in things that matter
29:03
and i and i think that sometimes we see
29:04
relationships as very black and white
29:06
like
29:07
i’ve either ruined it or i’m killing it
29:10
and i said to you like i have a friend i
29:12
have a friend at home
29:14
who this was a vet one of the hardest
29:17
phone calls i’ve had in a while
29:18
where i was you know i s i actually said
29:22
to him like
29:25
you know hey man i’m going to come see
29:26
you the next time i’m home
29:28
you know home in england and you know i
29:31
and he was like
29:32
well why you know we he he was not
29:35
happy with me because the last few times
29:37
i came back i didn’t see him i didn’t
29:38
have a lot of time and
29:41
um that was the excuse i used
29:44
and you know eventually he okay he said
29:48
why do you want to come and see me i
29:49
said what do you mean because we have
29:50
this great friendship and i want to
29:51
preserve it
29:53
and he said matt what is it
29:56
what is it you think we have at this
29:59
stage
30:00
like we haven’t connected in years
30:04
you know we’ve known each other for so
30:05
long and we used to be best buds but
30:07
like
30:07
what what is it you think we have like
30:09
what are we
30:10
what are you holding on to right now
30:13
because
30:16
it feels like you’re holding on to an
30:18
image of what we have but not the
30:20
reality of what
30:21
what you’re giving to this relationship
30:24
and that was an incredibly painful
30:29
thing to hear because at first i got
30:31
defensive and i was like
30:33
what is he talking about like we’ve been
30:35
friends for so long and we’ve known it
30:37
we know each other so well
30:39
and you know like that that friendship
30:41
will never die
30:42
like how no matter how long we don’t
30:44
speak for how long we don’t see each
30:46
other for that friendship’s always going
30:47
to be there in my life
30:49
and he wasn’t saying here’s the problem
30:52
when someone comes at you reasonably
30:55
and it’s what they’re saying is true you
30:58
can get defensive but the truth is the
31:00
truth
31:02
it wasn’t that he was saying i don’t
31:04
care about you anymore
31:05
it wasn’t that he was saying i don’t
31:07
have space for you in my life anymore
31:10
it was him saying
31:14
let’s not pretend that you occupy a
31:17
space in my
31:18
life right now that you don’t the space
31:20
is there for you if you want to come
31:22
into it i’m never
31:23
you know he said to me i’m never gonna
31:25
i’m never gonna have a closed door to
31:27
our friendship the door is always gonna
31:29
be open to us having
31:31
a a closer relationship but
31:35
pretending we have one right now is a
31:37
fuss and it’s holding on to this fantasy
31:40
this idea in our head instead of the
31:42
reality of what we have right now
31:45
and um and that was that was really
31:48
really
31:49
that was very painful to hear but my
31:52
initial defensiveness because it was
31:55
met with pure unadulterated
31:59
honesty couldn’t it had it dissolved
32:04
and what was left was me saying wow okay
32:08
i’m i’m starting from a different place
32:11
than i thought
32:13
but this is real this is a real place to
32:15
be starting from
32:17
and there was no hatred in it there was
32:18
no malice in it it was just
32:20
coming from a compassionate but real
32:22
place and
32:23
uh we ended up talking for
32:27
over an hour before he had to go and
32:30
just as he was leaving the conversation
32:32
he said this by the way what we just did
32:37
that to me is his friendship
32:40
like that time that we just had and i
32:43
got
32:44
to know you and how you’re feeling in
32:45
your life right now and what’s going on
32:47
in your head and
32:48
you got to know a bit about what’s going
32:50
on in my head and how i’m feeling right
32:52
now
32:53
that’s friendship to me
32:57
that was a brick right that was a brick
33:00
in the house
33:02
you know what’s funny is i i know this
33:05
friend that you’re talking about
33:06
and hearing the story it sounds like
33:08
almost made up like it’s so almost
33:10
over the top and on the nose that’s
33:12
exactly how he speaks
33:13
it’s exactly how he’s very honest so
33:17
honestly
33:17
and he will cut you to the core with his
33:19
honesty yeah
33:21
i know and that’s the thing it’s it’s
33:24
but the thing that the reason i say
33:26
black don’t be black and white about
33:28
your relationships is that
33:30
i could have gotten off that call and
33:31
gone well i guess i blew that friendship
33:35
but actually the truth is no it it
33:39
i didn’t have what i was holding on to
33:42
but in a way what i had was more
33:43
interesting
33:44
that that hour was a brick in the house
33:49
and the if i did the same thing the next
33:51
week
33:53
or two weeks from now or a month from
33:54
now that would be another brick in the
33:56
house
33:58
and the relationship starts getting
33:59
built again i think so often we write
34:01
people off
34:03
because we make it binary i’m either
34:06
in this person’s good book some friends
34:08
with them or we’re at odds
34:10
instead of being like i can add to this
34:13
relationship anytime i want i can make a
34:15
deposit any time i want and even if this
34:17
person
34:18
says they’ve given up on me that’s
34:20
almost never the case in my experience
34:23
people say things like that as a defense
34:26
as a protection
34:27
because they don’t want to get hurt
34:28
again if we’ve hurt someone many times
34:31
if we’ve gone off the radar or ghosted
34:33
them many times if we’ve done something
34:35
many times that has made them afraid
34:37
of us and our rejection or how we make
34:40
them feel
34:41
then someone being like i’m done with
34:43
you can be a defense mechanism but it
34:45
doesn’t make it real it might make it an
34:46
emotional response
34:48
but what’s really true is that if we
34:50
keep adding bricks to that relationship
34:52
we can still build that relationship
34:56
um amazing well i
34:59
i we have to go but
35:02
tell us i’m curious in the comments do
35:06
you want us to do this more
35:08
um would you like i don’t know how long
35:10
we did it for today jay
35:12
but oh like 35 minutes um would you
35:16
would you like us to do this more i’m
35:18
curious
35:20
is this something that’s you know this
35:22
is this is kind of a new
35:24
thing that we might start doing that uh
35:28
is just a little different from what we
35:30
do elsewhere when we come to you on
35:31
youtube and we have like a 10 minute
35:32
video it’s a concept
35:34
this is just us getting to spend some
35:36
time with you
35:38
and i’d love oh lovely there’s so many
35:40
yeses
35:41
i thank you so much i see you all
35:44
charlotte and
35:45
claudia mz and we’ll get steve on as
35:49
well
35:50
because we should we should do one of
35:52
these with steve too
35:53
um can’t wait till we get the budget to
35:56
give me a microphone
35:58
yeah we need to get you a proper mic can
35:59
we do that for next time yeah
36:01
yeah consider it in the budget uh no
36:04
we’re gonna
36:05
this is great guys we really love
36:06
spending this time with you and i i
36:08
truly think
36:09
you know tribe being important to me
36:11
this year even though i joke about like
36:13
the thing i listen to while i brush my
36:14
teeth
36:15
that’s real you know like that little
36:18
moment where you feel like you’re
36:20
connecting to someone a voice that you
36:21
like
36:22
and you can do it in the middle of your
36:24
day or in your evening or in your
36:26
morning and just spend a bit of time
36:27
with someone you like i think the
36:28
internet is so full of
36:29
there’s so many voices on the internet
36:31
and i know it could be a really crowded
36:32
place but
36:33
when you find someone you resonate with
36:35
and you just get to spend some time with
36:36
them i think that is a really beautiful
36:38
thing
36:38
and i want to provide that guy that for
36:40
you guys more
36:41
so um yeah we’ll see you soon
36:45
have a great day for the rest of your
36:47
day and
36:48
um if you enjoyed this and you think
36:51
other friends couldn’t
36:53
would like to hang with us next time
36:54
then share it with somebody
36:56
that you love or care about and we’ll
36:58
see you soon alright
37:00
thank you guys
—
This post was previously published on YouTube.
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Photo credit: Screenshot from video
The post Matthew Moments Live Stream, on Friendships and Tribe [Video] appeared first on The Good Men Project.