should we schedule time for sexLook, we get it, life can get busy and that hectic week can turn into hectic weeks. Those hectic weeks can maybe even turn into a hectic month and then before you know it... you’ve stopped having sex with your partner.
It’s an easy trap to fall into. You feel too tired and it just feels more comfy to sit and watch Netflix until you can’t keep your eyes open any longer. And let’s be real, when we’re feeling stressed, more often than not we can’t think of anything worse than trying to feel turned on.
Yup, we’ve all been there but is putting time aside every single week to shag the answer to maintaining intimacy?
Elisabeth Neumann, Head of User Research at Lovehoney and qualified sexologist has weighed in on whether we should be having sex on a schedule.
According to Neumann, intimacy in relationships doesn’t always have to translate as sexual intercourse: “When it comes to building, maintaining and reclaiming a close romantic relationship, sex is just one piece of the puzzle. Non-sexual contact and other methods of intimacy still shows your partner know they are loved even if you are not having sex.”
However, a lack of sex can lead to a feeling of distance between partners and if this is the case, Neumann advises “carving out some one-on-one (pun intended) time.”
The expert explains that by actually writing down when you’re going to have sex with your partner, you’re giving that time the same weight you’d give any other important appointment in your life.
And let’s be real – this is way more fun than that team meeting at work.
But how does this play out in practice?
“The aim of scheduling time for intimacy is to engage in whatever activities make you feel more closely connected, which again doesn’t always have to be penetrative sex – for example it could just be an hour of cuddling,” Neumann suggests.
“To ensure that you go through with the appointment, you could consider inserting some form of ‘activity’, such as an adult board game, light bondage, or even introducing a sex toy. What’s most important is setting aside time for you two to be together and focus on your relationship. This can be hugely beneficial in improving your relationship and your overall wellbeing as you are able to effectively communicate your needs with your partner.”
If all of this is making you cringe, that’s also okay! Scheduling intimacy isn’t for everyone Neumann stresses and for many couples out there sex comes (wahey) very naturally.
Some might find that scheduled sex puts too much pressure on the occasion, which could lead to adding even more distance between one another.
Neumann says: “If this is the case, then it might work better to schedule a longer time period – such as a few hours or even a day, or a week, to be intimate, rather than a specific appointment. Whatever you do, communicating openly and honestly with your partner is key to a strong relationship.”