Single on Valentine’s Day?

by admin

 

There’s no shortage of signs reminding you of Valentine’s Day coming up: grocery stores with big placards about 10% discounts on flowers and desserts; retail stores with Valentines cards next to the cashier’s; online stores with heart-shaped string lights…the list goes on.

How do you feel about it if you’re currently single and are desiring companionship?

Here are some ways in which you can celebrate love — the essence of Valentine’s Day — while being single.

(1) Self-love
It’s about time you gave yourself the love you need and deserve. Here’s an exercise to cultivate it:
a) Find a quiet and comfortable place to sit down.
b) Open your right (or left) hand and look at it. Look at the palm lines, the color of your hands, the creases that stream across it.
c) Bring your other hand’s index finger just over the right hand, almost touching it. Let it linger over there for a few seconds. How do you feel? Is there a desire for your finger to touch your palm? Does your finger want to be held, or is it your hand that wants the finger?
d) Stay with that craving — whether you feel it in your finger or hand — a bit longer. Do your emotions change/intensify the more you wait?
e) After a couple of minutes, say these words softly: “Yes, my love, I’m coming to you.”
f) Give in to that desire, finally. Close your eyes and let your finger rest in your palm. Soak in the sensation of touch from both sides: how your finger feels to be touching your hand, and how your hand feels to be holding the finger. Pay close attention also to your mind: how does it feel now vs. when your finger was lingering over the palm? Is there a sense of fulfillment? Do you feel relaxed and at ease?

What you’re doing here is stimulating a desire for wanting and for being wanted — both of which are key to a relationship — and you’re fulfilling it: your palm wants to hold your finger and your finger wants to be held.

Of course, holding your finger in your hand isn’t the same as cuddling with a partner, but it creates a bond with yourself. It reminds you of the love you have within.

(2) Love for others
As St. Francis of Assisi said:

“It is in giving that we receive.”

What are some ways in which you can give love to others? ‘Others’ could include a family member going through a hard time and needing emotional support, a friend who just got promoted and wants to celebrate his accomplishment with someone but doesn’t have very many people to share that with, the person in line behind you at the grocery store needing help placing bags on the counter, the person sitting outside the grocery store with a sign saying “I’m hungry. Anything helps”.

These are one-time efforts you’re putting in, but it’s your intention that matters. The person on the receiving side will remember your kind and loving gesture and will reciprocate — in their own said or unsaid way — love and thanks back to you.

(3) Treat yourself
Are there places you’ve been wanting to visit for a while but never got around to? Cuisines/restaurants you love but kept postponing it? Hobbies you want to pick up but didn’t, yet?

Can you review your I-want-to-do-this list, pick one (or more) items from that list and do it on Valentine’s Day? Your mind and body will profusely thank you for listening to their deeper needs — whether that’s having a pizza, learning a new board game, or volunteering at a food bank — and honoring them.

(4) Gratitude letter to all who love you
Sometimes, love goes unnoticed and unappreciated until it’s gone. As of this moment, are there people in your life who love you? They may each have different degrees and elements of love — family, friends, acquaintances etc. — but there is love. It may not always be expressed, but they have a place for you in their heart.

What if you made a place for them in your heart and wrote them a letter — sent or unsent — acknowledging their love and feeling grateful for it? By doing this, you’re filling their and your hearts with gratitude, support, bonding and contentment. You’re reminding yourself that you’re not alone, even though it may feel like that at times.

(5) Fall in love with what’s around you
Once you start paying attention to the fleeting and seemingly neutral things and beings around you, you’ll realize that there’s so much to fall in love with:

  • The leaves in your front yard dancing in the breeze and their shadows dancing on the hardwood floor in your living room.
  • The hummingbird spending a precious four seconds hovering over a manzanita bush before flying straight up.
  • The Milky Way spreading itself out and blowing you kisses as meteoroids rush across the vast sky.
  • The unbelievable softness and vulnerability of a cherry blossom starting to bloom and greet the world…the list goes on.

 

Yes, it’s a different kind of love than the one that’s promoted on Valentine’s Day, but love is a feeling, an emotion. Your heart doesn’t need to be told how to fulfill it. Your heart knows what will fill that cup of love, and whether it’s the feeling of your heart beating faithfully, the beautiful stew of the majestic colors of a desert sunset or holding your parents’ soft wrinkled hands, so be it.

I’ll wrap up this story with this quote by Rumi:

“What you seek, is seeking you.”

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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The post Single on Valentine’s Day? appeared first on The Good Men Project.

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